The Band Bus

I live in a utopia. A sweet, naive world where the pain of love is never known; where the importance of friends remains unrivaled. I'm the last of my breed amongst our group of friends. Half are in sweet oblivion, and the other half are simply in oblivion. But the lesson that all this has taught me is that being single is great. Or is it?

There certainly are perks. You don't have to bother yourself with pressure. Am I moving too fast? Am I going too slow? Does he like me as much as I like him? My current life has enough stress without a boyfriend adding more. And the break up...oh, dear God, the break up...What every breakup has taught me in the past is that once it's over, it's over. Say goodbye to the friendship that once brought mutual happiness. In my special little mind, I don't get why anyone would ever forsake a bond like friendship.

Are girls and boys only ever friends with eachother because of a growing crush? Amongst our group of friends, that's certainly true. Andrea only ever began talking to Scott because she had feelings for him. The same goes for me and Bre becoming friends with Jeremy, and, I'm just guessing on this one, but Bre becoming friends with Scott. I've settled into the cushy spot of friend, as I've done with every single guy I've had a crush on. Going any further, though, terrifies me. Because when it ends, and it eventually will, will the friendship that was previously cherished end as well? That's something I simply can't handle. While I sometimes may not act like it, friends are the single most important thing to me. They come before music, school, even family.

By watching past relationships, I've found some basic rules...
1)Don't ignore your boyfriend. While friends are important, your boyfriend's a friend, too. Even more so.
2)Include all friends. I can personally say that being the third wheel (or fifth wheel on occation) sucks.
3)If you must end it, do it gracefully, and with class. AIM, text message, email, they've all made breaking up easier, but only for the one choosing to break up. For the one on the other end, the means make the end all the more woeful.
4)Communicate. A relationship built on lies easilly crumbles. Any TV show will tell you that much.

While recent relationships have discouraged my desire for someone, it's something I wish to experience nevertheless. "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

As you can see, my blog has gone through yet another transformation. Feedback, please?

So, it's morning. About 5:30 to be exact, but I've been up longer than that. All i can hear is the river, the geese, and the birds. Oh, and the highway, train, and Bre's dad's snoring.

Yesterday, I had a fairly tramatizing experience with a tick, and so did Bre. it didn't attatch to our skin (atleast I don't think so...), it just got on our clothes and freaked us out pretty bad. Bre also had a run in with something large, black, and buzzing, although niether o fus actually know what it was. So, the grasslands, as long as ou can cope with the snakes and the bugs, are great. Me, I love snakes, except when they're poisonous and inconveniently hidden. Then, not so much...

Today, I expect we're gonna on one or 2 last hikes. Bre doesn't refer to what we've been doing "hikes", but I say a hike is anytime you're walking in nature. Ewww...there's a bug on my paper...at first, I thought it was just a comma that ran away. Looking around, I see a lot of little bugs, and one kinda looks like it's hanging from a spider web, but a spider web mean's there's...a...spider...AHH!

Well, I'm sure if there was a spider, I ate it. I have an unfortunate knack for these things.

Ok, so, now it's 5:50. Yay, I've spent 20 minutes talking about *scans writing* absolutely nothing!

Hmm, I have to pee. Ew, and Bre farted. But should I go pee? I'm pretty sure the zipper would wake everyone up. Besides, it's cold out there. Oh, I'll just wait for Bre to wake up...but who knows how long that'll be? Oh, wow, right now. Oh, no, wait, she went back to sleep. Dude, why can't I get back to sleep?! It's frickin 6 am. I've missed sunrise, so, really, what's the point anymore?

Great, now I'm tired AND I have to pee. Perfect...

Ew, there's stuff under my nails..*picks stuff out of nails* ... *mentions it here because I'm simply that bored*

I kinda wish we went camping on Mt. Hood. I know it better up there. And this time of year would be great, because there's not that many bees. All I really remember from the last trip was the bees and the 8:00pm deer.

Ok, the tent's making a popping sound. Either it's raining, or it stimply just wants to annoy me (and it's doing a very good job of it).

Dude, Star Trek has tainted my mind. Now, whenever I say something smart in my head, I picture that wierd little albino dude from the Next Generation saying it. And I've only seen 4 episodes! Hehe, dong! (Andrea'll get that)

While cleaning out the basement, I stumbled across an old poem I'd written back when I was angry and had an impared vocabulary (as well as, apperently, many issues with tenses). I somewhat remembered saying something about it on one of my posts a long, long, long time ago.

It's synical, depressing, and briliant. I'll have it posted soon.

I wrote that on June 18th, 2005. That post was a major milestone for me, as it was my first rant on society. Aww, isn't that cute?? And look how far I've come! Now I can't shut up about society, love, and the like. Well, anyway, about the poem...apparently "soon" means almost a year. Puntual, eh? And I wouldn't exactly call it brilliant...perhaps 8th-grade-writer brilliant, because it suffers at my current standards. But, seeing as I really hate to go back on my word, here it is, in all its glorious junior-highness...

Which is Hell?
Here or there?
At the moment
I cannon tell.

Is it truely
A firy pit?
Or this Earth we live in
A madhouse of shit

Is the ruler really
A red skinned demon?
Or something self imposed
Our own politians?

Are we now dead,
Being punished for past crimes?
Stealing and cheating
And taking lives

We don't know what we have
Until we lose it
Our powers aren't hailed
'Till we abuse it

For something so precious
Something so dear
It angers many hearts
And causes much fear

Yet I fear
We'll never know
If our bane is here
Or far below.

On Friday, my mom went to a psycic. That's something I've always wanted to do, but I guess I'll have to wait a bit longer. While she mostly told my mom about her future, she did ramble off a few things about me. I've tried to shove them into the back of my mind, and, because I wish to suppress all knowledge of them, I won't say them here, either. Knowing the future is something that I desire and fear. Is the future a psycic sees a future of us knowing the future, or not knowing? Could we run from what our predicted future, or will it still catch up to us? Can we escape our fate? This train of thought seems somewhat Donnie Darko-esque. If we see our path, could we have the ability to change it? I think we can, and that's why I'm trying to push everything the psycic said to the back of my mind. I'm gonna go on living as though I never heard what she said. But, if I don't act on what I know my future will be, will that completely change it? Oy, predicting the future is so complicated!

Things have changed. Again.

Last Friday, everything was pretty good. I was looking forward to a Spring Break with friends who, if not liked, tolerated eachother. I was hoping to see a movie, maybe do an FNF.

Well, it's one week later, and things couldn't be more different. Any thoughts of getting our whole group together have all but vanished. I just hope that eventually things'll get back to the way they were before. Well, as close as possible, I mean. Just to the point where no one hates eachother. That will eventually happen, right? I never thought a break up would have an effect on so many of us. But, before all the relationships and drama, we were friends. I hope that, afterwards, we'll remain friends.

I'm in pain right now. Mental, emotional, physical, the whole lot. And, to tell you the truth, it's quite annoying.

My big toe, which, you may recall, I broke a couple months ago, has taken upon itself the task of sending streams of pain whenever it rains. Being an Oregonian, I'm extatic about that. Also, my body chose to declare an Everything-Hurts day on Saturday. That day progressed to 2 days, and it's now evolved to 3. My shoulder, neck, throat, knee, back, and, of course, my psycic toe all seem to have been onset with a God-forsaken pain. Oh, and my eyes. I have no idea what's up with them. Whenever I look to the side, they hurt. You can't sprain your eyeballs, can you?

While it's the physical pain that's been distracting me most of the time, I'm not feeling so good emotionally or mentally, either. I'm sure my grades are going to begin to drop. I've hit the worst level of procrastination. Everything is 'Oh, I'll do it later'. Then I sit on the couch and continue to do nothing. I've hit rock bottom, educationally speaking. Remarkably enough, though, I have straight A's (although I'm sure that's going to change in History). So, even though I feel like I'm the world's worst student, I'm still pretty damn good.

Emotionally, it's just the typical teenage angst. What do you expect?

I don't know why, but I'm craving a Bloody Mary. That's my most frequently sipped alcoholic beverage, after wine and vodka-tonic, of course. I just tried to make one, but when you virginize it and take out the vodka, it really looses its appeal. Also, we're out of celary salt and our celary sticks were growing something...

This has just been a day of strange kitchen adventures.

Oh my God, I just found a can in the pantry from 1991!

My mom just got back from a party. A "bedroom fun" party. And if that weren't bad enough, she actually came back with something! Judging by the size of the bag, it's some *gulp* lube. Oh, dear God, no... That's not something anyone should have to picture. Why, Andrea? WHY? Why did your mom have to hold that god-forsaken party?? My innocent, naive mind has been scarred!!! *proceeds to spork eyes out*

If that weren't enough, she also described some of the other, um, "goodies" that they had. She actually felt she needed to explain what a toy was. If I'm not in a right state of mind when you see me next, you'll know why. *twitch*

You scored as Remus Lupin. You're a calm, cool, optimistic person who doesn't dwell on the bad but looks more deeply into the good. You're wise and know much about the world, and though you teach your lessons to others, react humbly when complimented on your intelligence. You've suffered a lot in your life but are extremely accepting and suffer inwardly. You're a great friend to have as you're gentle but strong-minded.

Ron Weasley

78%

Luna Lovegood

78%

Remus Lupin

78%

Severus Snape

72%

Bellatrix Lestrange

69%

Harry Potter

66%

Sirius Black

66%

Percy Weasley

63%

Albus Dumbledore

59%

Draco Malfoy

59%

Hermione Granger

53%

Neville Longbottom

53%

Oliver Wood

44%

Lord Voldemort

41%
Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test
created with QuizFarm.com

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

It snowed this week. This should be the best week of the year. But, of course, it's not. Something had to go wrong, as it always does. Dule (for those who don't know, he's my cat) is missing, and I'm assuming he's dead. He's mainly an indoor cat, and when he does go outside, he sticks pretty close to home. He's been gone since Wednesday night, and we've not seen a sign of him since. Instinct tells me that the pack of dogs that attacked and killed my nieghbor's cat, Paws (who's lived here as long as I've lived here), also found Little Man. He's a lover, not a fighter. I'm hoping he just wanted out of the cold, found someplace warm, and is making his way back now, but I doubt it.

I really, really want to be happy right now. Sadness is just a distraction. So, let's look at the possitives! About loosing my cat...Ok, there's not much sense in that, but I'm not going into another fight with depression. So, now we'll probably get another cat! Yay! Another cute wittle kitten! Who doesn't like kittens? I really want a pretty orange one. With white stripes! This whole situation is beginning to look up.

I feel it's time to take a break from the philosophical issues that are usually discussed here on the Band Bus, and turn to simpler topics. First off, I have experimented with a something fairly unknown to me: makeup. I was a bit curious today, and I sort of raided my mom's makeup cabinet. I saw pencils, mini paint brushes, and a whole lot of smelly stuff. As you can see, my knowledge of this stuff is extensive. Well, I, umm...attempted to put on eye shadow. Then there was this other stuff. I didn't know what it was, but it was sparkly. I tried eye liner, but it looked like someone had just punched me. After adding the final touches, I finally realized why it is that I never wear makeup. I promptly drentched my face and took a long, long shower. But my adventure in vanity didn't end there! Every now and then, when my self esteem gets too high, I check my weight. In the winter, it makes a slow, steady increase. Actually, in the summer, it does about the same thing. Okay, so, year long, it slowly increases. A couple weeks ago, and a couple weeks before that, I was about at *gulp* 187. Last night, though, it was at 185. 185! That's 2 pounds less! You're probably thinking "...so?", but that's better than I've ever done before! Eee! I'm so happy! It may not be much, but it's something, and something's better than nothing.

Read the lyrics. Trust me, it fits.

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you