What began yesterday as a mere rustling of the feathers has exploded into a full out emu pimp riot. It is believed to have been caused by unfair representation in the Semi Pimp Tour, a multi-country festival showcasing all things new and exciting in the world of trans-species pleasure and entertainment.
Though many have not heard of it, the Semi Pimp Tour has been considered by many to be the most influential and eye opening event of all time. Held only once every ten years, this Tour is the most premier of its kind and has even greatly assisted in the creation of such organizations as PETA, the NRA, and NAMBLA. The tour, never one to shy away from the tough issues, intends to largely focus this year on the growing concern of bird trafficing, which has recently been hit on several fronts.
Perhaps one of the most public, having even garnered the attention of the Pope himself, is, of course, the growing trend of underage bird erotica. "This is, without question, the most heinous offence against our Lord man has ever devised. It's hardly even physically possible, for one thing, having sexual orientations with a baby bird. Jesus Christ, just think of the size ratio! That should set off a red flag right there! Of course, if it were the infant of a very large bird, like an emu or an ostrich or a pterodactyl or something..." Pope Benedict spoke before thousands of worshippers in Vatican City during Eastern Mass this year.
Though no pterodactyl children have yet been found Rule 34'd, the other two mentioned, emus and ostriches, are the most common in instances of this crime. Emus have taken the greatest hit, however. When asked why, one prominent propieter of an emu harem replied, "It's racism is what it is! It's only 'cause they haven't got as interesting of plumage as there fancy-pants cousins! Let's see who we'd be blamin' if the plumage was flipped, eh! Let's see who then!"
Another global issue that has affected the selling of pleasures has been the ever present terror of bird flu. Because those who seek trans-species entertainment still wish to seek their enjoyments, the government acknowledged that the avian brothels could not be shut down. So, to protect both the birds and the customers, President Bush issued discounted bird flu vacinations to all brothels, or nests.
The proprieters of these nests, however, still had to pay, and many were forced to pass it on to the consumer. The price for tailfeather skyrocketed, leaving many regular patrons angry and unable to pay. Those who seek emus had it even worse, as they required extra doses because of their size as well as blood type. On July 6, the disgruntled many, nearlly 10,000 strong, gathered together at the Washington Monument, brandishing rubber chickens and chanting, "Free bird! Free bird!"
The Semi Pimp Tour originally planned to headline emus, as they have been the fastest growing form of interspecies erotica over the past decade. Due to religious pressure, as well as pressure from the health community, the Tour elected to pull the appearance of the emus, and instead bring in prominent officials to speak about the issue. Of the 34 separate emu pimps originally scheduled to display their wares, only three remain in the roster of those to appear. This information was released yesterday and that was what sparked the riot.
The 31 infuriated pimps assembled first, and called up others who sympathised with their cause. Without time for hesitation, the emu pimps, their birds, and the assorted tucan, camel, and badger proprieters that identified with them marched on Washington, several hundred altogether. The peaceful protest was short lived, however, when an emu broke loose and ran off, nearly trampling an officer. The policemen took it as an attack and opened fire, causing the formerly peaceful emu pimps to return fire. Most of the emus broke loose in the attack, overrunning both pimps and police. The gunfire lasted for nearly twenty minutes, the pimps taking shelter beind the bodies of their former hoes and the police in their cars and surrounding buildings.
Though the official report has yet to give us an exact body count, initial reports mark the death toll at the tens of millions, making it the bloodiest day in the history of the world.
Though many have not heard of it, the Semi Pimp Tour has been considered by many to be the most influential and eye opening event of all time. Held only once every ten years, this Tour is the most premier of its kind and has even greatly assisted in the creation of such organizations as PETA, the NRA, and NAMBLA. The tour, never one to shy away from the tough issues, intends to largely focus this year on the growing concern of bird trafficing, which has recently been hit on several fronts.
Perhaps one of the most public, having even garnered the attention of the Pope himself, is, of course, the growing trend of underage bird erotica. "This is, without question, the most heinous offence against our Lord man has ever devised. It's hardly even physically possible, for one thing, having sexual orientations with a baby bird. Jesus Christ, just think of the size ratio! That should set off a red flag right there! Of course, if it were the infant of a very large bird, like an emu or an ostrich or a pterodactyl or something..." Pope Benedict spoke before thousands of worshippers in Vatican City during Eastern Mass this year.
Though no pterodactyl children have yet been found Rule 34'd, the other two mentioned, emus and ostriches, are the most common in instances of this crime. Emus have taken the greatest hit, however. When asked why, one prominent propieter of an emu harem replied, "It's racism is what it is! It's only 'cause they haven't got as interesting of plumage as there fancy-pants cousins! Let's see who we'd be blamin' if the plumage was flipped, eh! Let's see who then!"
Another global issue that has affected the selling of pleasures has been the ever present terror of bird flu. Because those who seek trans-species entertainment still wish to seek their enjoyments, the government acknowledged that the avian brothels could not be shut down. So, to protect both the birds and the customers, President Bush issued discounted bird flu vacinations to all brothels, or nests.
The proprieters of these nests, however, still had to pay, and many were forced to pass it on to the consumer. The price for tailfeather skyrocketed, leaving many regular patrons angry and unable to pay. Those who seek emus had it even worse, as they required extra doses because of their size as well as blood type. On July 6, the disgruntled many, nearlly 10,000 strong, gathered together at the Washington Monument, brandishing rubber chickens and chanting, "Free bird! Free bird!"
The Semi Pimp Tour originally planned to headline emus, as they have been the fastest growing form of interspecies erotica over the past decade. Due to religious pressure, as well as pressure from the health community, the Tour elected to pull the appearance of the emus, and instead bring in prominent officials to speak about the issue. Of the 34 separate emu pimps originally scheduled to display their wares, only three remain in the roster of those to appear. This information was released yesterday and that was what sparked the riot.
The 31 infuriated pimps assembled first, and called up others who sympathised with their cause. Without time for hesitation, the emu pimps, their birds, and the assorted tucan, camel, and badger proprieters that identified with them marched on Washington, several hundred altogether. The peaceful protest was short lived, however, when an emu broke loose and ran off, nearly trampling an officer. The policemen took it as an attack and opened fire, causing the formerly peaceful emu pimps to return fire. Most of the emus broke loose in the attack, overrunning both pimps and police. The gunfire lasted for nearly twenty minutes, the pimps taking shelter beind the bodies of their former hoes and the police in their cars and surrounding buildings.
Though the official report has yet to give us an exact body count, initial reports mark the death toll at the tens of millions, making it the bloodiest day in the history of the world.
w00t! IT OWNS! You totally need to go into journalism...lol.
I enjoyed writing the little part about the Pope.
ROFL! YEAH! I totally loved that part!