How do you pick up the threads of an old life?
0 Comments Published by Elentine on Thursday, April 13, 2006 at 8:17 PM.
I was scanning over my blog, and I've noticed that it's incredibly depressing. I'm really not a depressing person, but whenever I'm given the chance to mull over the events of the day, my sadder side just...pops up. So, I'm gonna try and lighten the mood...just not in this post. I'm again listening to LotR music, which always brings out the nastalgic side of me, and, ultimately, the depressed side. They're movies that I feel a sincere bond with. They came to me during a time when I'd lost all I had to believe in. I had ultimately given up. A few nights ago, I wrote this...
I couldn't help but have glassy eyes throughout the whole movie, because it came to me in a time when I did not just want something to believe in, I needed something to believe in. THere was one part, though, that cuts deeper than anything else...
It was well into your 7th grade year, but the events of 6th grade still hung fresh in my mind. How I tried to banish them! I wanted to be like everyone else. I should be like everyone else! I had always enjoyed being defferent, but not like that. The tumor may be gone, but its presense can't be forgotten, though I've tried. There's forever a wall lingering between me and the rest of the world. All these years of pecking at it, I feel it has come down enough to be "normal". But some hurts go too deep, and simply cannot be banished.
I tend to shy away from this subject. Cancer, I mean, not LotR. I feel too...I don't know, self important and self pitying when I mention it. It's an odd reaction. I don't know why I feel that way. I'm sure I shouldn't. It happened. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Or maybe it is.
It was a dark time for me. No one should be thrown into a depression at that age. We should be living, laughing, doing. When you're 11 or 12, death should not even be in mind, yet it often haunted mine. How could it not? I had only heard of cancer on the news, and I had mostly heard of people dying from it. I was frightened. Hell, I'm still frightened. I'm not in the clear yet. While I try to be as jovial as I can, not so much for me but for others, but at the end of the day, I can assure you a smile is rarely on my face.
Frodo said one more thing that was all too relatable. Speaking about his scar he said, "It's been four years to the day since Weathertop, Sam. It's never really healed." Every now and then, the scar on my chest will ache for a minute or two. I'm sure it's saying, "This is who your are now. Don't forget it."
I couldn't help but have glassy eyes throughout the whole movie, because it came to me in a time when I did not just want something to believe in, I needed something to believe in. THere was one part, though, that cuts deeper than anything else...
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand. There is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep. That have taken hold.
It was well into your 7th grade year, but the events of 6th grade still hung fresh in my mind. How I tried to banish them! I wanted to be like everyone else. I should be like everyone else! I had always enjoyed being defferent, but not like that. The tumor may be gone, but its presense can't be forgotten, though I've tried. There's forever a wall lingering between me and the rest of the world. All these years of pecking at it, I feel it has come down enough to be "normal". But some hurts go too deep, and simply cannot be banished.
I tend to shy away from this subject. Cancer, I mean, not LotR. I feel too...I don't know, self important and self pitying when I mention it. It's an odd reaction. I don't know why I feel that way. I'm sure I shouldn't. It happened. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Or maybe it is.
It was a dark time for me. No one should be thrown into a depression at that age. We should be living, laughing, doing. When you're 11 or 12, death should not even be in mind, yet it often haunted mine. How could it not? I had only heard of cancer on the news, and I had mostly heard of people dying from it. I was frightened. Hell, I'm still frightened. I'm not in the clear yet. While I try to be as jovial as I can, not so much for me but for others, but at the end of the day, I can assure you a smile is rarely on my face.
Frodo said one more thing that was all too relatable. Speaking about his scar he said, "It's been four years to the day since Weathertop, Sam. It's never really healed." Every now and then, the scar on my chest will ache for a minute or two. I'm sure it's saying, "This is who your are now. Don't forget it."
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