Lately, a brand of darker thoughts have been crossing my mind; thoughts of suicide, fighting, and destruction. This is, no doubt, because I had so much fun the past week and the Force is just coming back into balance. Howevery, it has really got me thinking, if a weary heart keeps the same weary tempo, should it beat at all? I'm not going to take a knife to my throat or anything (ha, atleast not yet) but I still wonder.
These bones ache for a fight but I fear the longing shall never be quenched. Curse the god that placed me in this age. This age when honorable fighting has diminished and greed will forever reign. Something tells me that the thoughts of an honorable past are niave dreams, a rough history softened by time. If only I knew the truth. World history has refused to stick to its promise of "World" and focused only on Europe which, regardless of my heritage, is a complete bore. I have no idea what the hell's happening in eastern Asia during, o say the crusades. All that I know of Asian history I learned reading Rurouni Kenshin!! Shit, a manga has tought me more then 9 years of history!!
I'm just so damn tired. Tired of routine. Tired of people. Someday, I want to just wander. Maybe I'll never come back. My deepest, strongest dream is to be gone from this world forever. To go from wandering the hallways to wandering the hill tops. I'm a romantic, a dreamer, not a realist. If in death I can find that, then so be it. But I've never been one to take the easy way out. I'll suffer, for a time. I know my body can't take much more. It's tiring. But I'll keep it up, I'll endure this world. Who knows, maybe I'll find what I've been looking for.
These bones ache for a fight but I fear the longing shall never be quenched. Curse the god that placed me in this age. This age when honorable fighting has diminished and greed will forever reign. Something tells me that the thoughts of an honorable past are niave dreams, a rough history softened by time. If only I knew the truth. World history has refused to stick to its promise of "World" and focused only on Europe which, regardless of my heritage, is a complete bore. I have no idea what the hell's happening in eastern Asia during, o say the crusades. All that I know of Asian history I learned reading Rurouni Kenshin!! Shit, a manga has tought me more then 9 years of history!!
I'm just so damn tired. Tired of routine. Tired of people. Someday, I want to just wander. Maybe I'll never come back. My deepest, strongest dream is to be gone from this world forever. To go from wandering the hallways to wandering the hill tops. I'm a romantic, a dreamer, not a realist. If in death I can find that, then so be it. But I've never been one to take the easy way out. I'll suffer, for a time. I know my body can't take much more. It's tiring. But I'll keep it up, I'll endure this world. Who knows, maybe I'll find what I've been looking for.
Satisfy your own intellectual curiousity, never wait for an institution to sate you!
You could always visit a used book store and buy a eastern history text or two. Or troll eBay for used textbooks in this same genre. They can usually be had for very little money.
Secondarily, College offers courses in the information you are interested in. K-12 is not the universe, after all.
As for suicide:Wait until you are middle aged and THEN think about wether or not to continue on. There are just so many tomorrows possible, you should at least stick around to see if they're any better than the todays you are saddled with.
Worked for me!
W00T! You go Saftinspector! Thank you for helping my friend Sarah out in this one, and giving her some good advice, I haven't been paying close attention to her at the moment because there are some major things going on involving what seems to be a love triangle...er, square actualy, and haven't been paying as much attention to her as I should. Looks like I get to be her counciler for a while, yay! Gives another person to work on stuff I read about in my nuerobiology and psychology books with! Hehe, list 'o people that have me as their therepist: Scott, Becca and now Sarah, too bad they're my friends and I cant charge them. lol anywho, back on topic, thanks for helping Sarah out!