The Band Bus

For a second tonight, I felt something. For a moment, I glimpsed, felt a world independent of time. A world shared by our parents and grandparents and their grandparents, all together. All lives swirling in a state of ecstasy, just out of the sheer joy of being. There was no future to worry about, there was no past to brood over, there was just now. We could reach out and touch past generations like they were no farther than this keyboard. No uncertainties. We were alive, and that was all that mattered. No one had died, no one was reminiscing over the old days. There was no reason to fear the future that would never come, so all we could do laugh and dance and live!

Yeah, silly… I wish it could have lasted more than a moment, though.

Why the hell to people have such a problem with happiness? Feeling good about life isn't a crime, you know. Smile a bit, be self-loving, forget about what others do. Sorry, this is really just a response to Aubrey's response to Christine's response to my response to her post (I could shorten that sentence, but I don't want to). C'mon, show a little love for life! You're going to end up miserable, shriveled and bitter if you don't say you're awesome every now and again. Yes, everyone puts up with crap, but if you don't give yourself a pat on the back after it all, then what motivation have you got? Also, there are varying levels of crap, don't even get me started. I think I win the lifetime crap award, as far as that goes. But the greatest source of joy should come from yourself. After it all, you need to remind yourself that you're awesome, because you are!

I haven't complained in a while. Mustn't have that, my Precious, oh no....

Has everyone all of a sudden discovered what the hell sex is? It seemed like naive bliss, then BAM! sexy times! Don't get me wrong, there's a little rush of, I don't know, rebellion or naughtiness every time I talk about it with someone, but it's like... I don't know. I guess I'm still just a kid and everyone's grown up.

Oh, and another certain thing that's been wiggling around in my head is that I don't really feel like I'm really accepted into any group. Sure, I hang out with a certain clan, but sometimes I'm worried I'm just a nuisance, like this little fruit fly that keeps buzzing around, like... Madalena. It doesn't matter what the truth is, this is how I see myself, or rather how I think others see me. It's been going on forever, too. First I tried to assimilate with Andrea's friends, but, God, it was so... boring! They're nice people, but Jesus! talk about intelligent things every now and again! I guess that and just the horribleness of elementary school kinda gave me a complex where I don't feel like I belong anywhere. And even when I'm in a group I like, I feel like I'm just a face that keeps popping up, that people acknowledge at first, but really just want to ignore it.

I don't know, I'm probably just being mopey and paranoid, but it's not fun when you spend your whole life as a third wheel of some sort.